Thursday, October 15, 2009

CELEBRITY JEOPARDY (not the game show!)


So I accidentally skipped a couple of days, but to do 3 posts in 5 days is still pretty damn good i must say.

It's been a pretty good week so far; I rocked my storytelling show Monday night bigger than any show EVER and had seven (7!) women give me their numbers or ask for mine. And if you've ever seen my picture, you know that that just doesn't happen to a guy like me. One of the gals already went out with me Tuesday, to a screening of "Where the Wild Things Are," and revealed just what she thought was the funniest line of my story.

"I loved the part about Scientology," she giggled.

"Why thank you!" I siad sheepishly.

"Because I'm a Scientologist!"

Gulp! Of COURSE she was. God and the universe could never let me have a simple perfectly good evening with a woman in which a national model (which she was) with a brain and personality (which she had) could simply be into me. According to everyone I've now told this story too (and I welcome all opinions here too), she's probably only chasing me down in order to convert me away from my anti-Scientology comments and to achieve a "win" by literally winning over a critic. At some point, they think that she's not going to be in the room, but rather a room of church officials - probably all men - will wind up confronting me in a classic bait and switch.

Yes, I AM George Costanza, for anyone  who's ever seen my Costanza wallet (I really need to take a closeup picture and feature it here but i'm too lazy right now). And that means for every good thing that happens,there HAS to ben an awful, corresponding twist. The reason why i was concerned about her being Scientologist went beyond my story Monday night. It's that I've written a couple of devastating articles about the Church as a reporter.

"So I guess you haven't Googled me, have you?" I asked. She asked why, and I said i better fess up rather than catch crap later or get her in trouble with the church if anyone found out about her being out with me. 

So I told her I wrote critical articles, and she handled it pretty well i must say. She claims that she never heard of a lot of the weird stuff people say about the church, and that you can pick and choose what you want to believe in it - for instance, she claims she never got into the church's teachings on evil space aliens. Instead, she focused on the life skills she learned and has managed to be a national model and write at least 5 produced screenplays that she also acted, produced or starred in - all while being under 30 years old.

"So something must be working for me," she said as she opened the door to her sleek white BMW convertible. Meanwhile, my bicycle awaited me upstairs.

But i'm gonna give it one more shot and see if she seems sincere or not. We're going out Friday. Kent the gay guy i know from the bus who used to want to hit on me (again, go figure - why?!) is warning me to stay away from her - but i figure he's a gay guy who had a crush on me in the past. So, fingers crossed, people!

I am about to paste over some stuff from my Facebook page. These are doozies. Let's just say i personally got yelled at by one of the most famous men in comedy yesterday, and it sparked a flashback to the time Samuel L. Jackson gave me that look of his that says he's about to kill you.

Forthwith, my explanations:

The first Facebook post about this...
I just had one of the most surreal moments of my journalism career, paling perhaps only to the time Samuel L Jackson gave me his death stare and asked "what do you MEAN?" about a question I gave him about race - I just interviewed John, and he yelled at me for giving him "The stupidest question I've ever heard!" He went all Basil Fawlty on me. It was AWESOME.

Then, my favorite response out of a few, from my friend since 1st grade (!) Jennifer Norton Weil:
Jennifer Norton Weil: You actually asked Samuel L. Jackson a race-related question? Wow. But about Cleese - maybe you should put that on your resume: "Asked John Cleese the stupidest question he'd ever heard in an interview." Cool!

Then, the explanations:

Carl Kozlowski: With Jackson, it was because he was plugging the movie "Lakeview Terrace," where he played a reverse-racist cop. He saw the character as a little more subtle and complex than being a racist. So he said "What do you MEAN by racist?" and stared at me with THAT STARE. The scariest stare in the history of movies (he's one of my favorite actors btw!). ... Read MoreThen i started babbling and apparently turning purple with fear and he laughed his "i'm about to shoot this mofo" laugh he has in movies while saying "Look who's colored now!" (I never said "colored" btw of course). As i kept saying "I mean...i mean...uhhh..." in total abject fear, he finally leaned forward with his bump me. And then leaned back laughing, "Man, I'm just fucking with you!" One of the weirdest yet greatest moments of my life.

Carl KozlowskiWith John, my boss asked me to ask him if he ever breaks into a silly walk anymore. John's reply (imagine him in full Basil Fawlty frustration): "No Silly Walks!. Why would I do that? Of all the questions I... Read More’ve ever been asked, that’s got to be the stupidest!” I stammered "I'm sorry." Thank God i told him it was my editor's idea to ask that, as Cleese then said "I’m having a go at your editor. I lead a very entertaining but not a highkey life seeking attention. When I was younger I used to do eccentric things to amuse myself. But not now. Good heavens!"

Another one of those things that makes my low-paying job seem priceless.

And then THIS came through my email yesterday:
 I just learned i made one of my favorite actors laugh at my show Monday night! From the producer of "Spark Stories": "Hey Carl, just wanted to let you know that you made Helen Hunt laugh. She was there Monday night, if you didn't ...notice, and I saw her laugh pretty hard during your piece. Not sure why or even if hers matters more than any laugh, but there ya go. Nice. Mark"
It's moments like that that make mee feel I'm finally on the right path with my comedy. :)

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